Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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