I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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