the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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