he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
