Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
