I bet he comes in French.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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