I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
