While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
