I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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