Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
