Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
