It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
