I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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