If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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