there's paper in my vomit.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
