so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
