I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
