Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
