Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
