Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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