my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
