you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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