you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
