I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
