I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You are the jesus of drinking
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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