R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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