Last Night in Michigan (313)

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?

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  nope, you were tallying rejections at the party

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now

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