You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
