there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
