Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
