she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
