so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
