I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
