The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
