I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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