someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
