im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize