he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
