Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
