Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
