How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
