im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize