U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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