Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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