It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
