Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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