Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
