My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize