i need an iv and a liver transplant
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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