There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
