and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i dont even know how to be here
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Drake has all the answers
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
