My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
