You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
