shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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