Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
