I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
