You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
