My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think i have two assholes
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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