We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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