yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
