We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
