nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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