saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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