Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
