So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
