If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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