You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize