So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
