I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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