Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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