woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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