she was so not down for the gang bang
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
