I just threw up on my dentist
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
