i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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