Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
