Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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