tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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