I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
