Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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