Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
