if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
