I'm gonna have a badass scar
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
