I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
