You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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