Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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