There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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